


S.R.R.Y    I.    H.M.A.N

by tiffanyy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Bullied Stiles Stilinski, Depressed Stiles, Derek Feels, Derek Hale Loves Stiles Stilinski, Derek is a Bad Alpha, Incomplete, M/M, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, POV Derek, POV Stiles, Pining Derek Hale, Scott is a Bad Friend, Self-Harm, Sourwolf Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski Loves Derek Hale, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, Suicidal Stiles, Suicidal Stiles Stilinski, Suicide Attempt, but still a good read, sterek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffanyy/pseuds/tiffanyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek attempts to push Stiles away from him and the pack for not only protection, but because he is underage. Scott is a bad friend and Jackson is douche which contributes to Stiles ending up in the ICU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. eye see you....ICU

**Author's Note:**

> I DO NOT OWN TEEN WOLF
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> you read the summary and the tags, this is a sad story (maybe with a happy ending)
> 
> Enjoy :)

"No. go home" Derek said in an assertive voice  
"wait...but it's just a plant. ya know a house warming gift. n-nothing to do with my mistake last Monday" He choked on his words  
  
**FLASHBACK TO MONDAY**  
  
"oh come on!!!" stiles wined following Derek to his new red BMW motorcycle "Danny would never answer my question...I thought you of all people would tell me the truth, no sugar coating"  
"no it's only one mans opinion you can't take just mine" Derek replied clearly annoyed by this conversation  
"just tell me what you think. please Der!!" stiles complained some more.  
"fine. you are most likely attractive to gay dudes. there happy?" he said with a scowl.  
"thanks sourwolf" stiles' grin reached ear to ear. He leaned in closer to Derek. "awe fuck it" he muttered under his breath. He quickly leaned it and kissed Derek. Derek pulled back as if stiles lips had burnt him, he reved his engine "later stiles" he said quietly before taking off.  
  
  
"Stiles I don't want your gift. I agree Monday was a mistake. I think you should keep your distance for now." Derek said with no expression.  
"o-o-oh okay. I guess that's a good idea. but what do I do about pack meetings and bonding sessions ya know?" he asked  
"don't come. it's not like we need you. your just human. and technically you aren't pack, you could get hurt too" Derek replied heart racing feeling terrible for telling stiles this. He had loved the kiss so much but the kid was well a kid. I would be illegal for him to act on the wolf's impulse and it would be extremely illegal for him to respond to the stench of arousal that comes off of stiles in waves at a time whenever he's in the room.  
  
**STILES POV**  
  
I couldn't believe what Derek had just said. I could feel my walls crumbling around me but I didn't want him to see me so...so vunerable. And I hate the fact that he has the power to do this to me.  
"umm. I u-un-derstand. I will just leave then." I tried to release the tension by letting out a hushed laugh "uh. see ya later sourwolf" i set the plant on the newly remodeled Hale house's porch.  
  
**2 DAY LATER**  
  
*buzz buzz buzz  
Stiles picked up his phone to see a text from Scott and some new posts on Twitter.  


SCOTT: hi. plans canceled. sry. pack bonding. l8r this week. maybe  
Stiles checked his Twitter see that all the pack was posting an annoying amount of pictures of them ice skating. But Derek wasn't there and Derek is always there for official pack business. Stiles whips out his phone.  
To: Derek  
From: Stiles  
Hey. sry to interrupt. did you have pack bonding planned tonight?  
From: Derek  
No. They went ice skating for fun. you're not there?  
To: Derek  
Nah not feeling well :( 

Stiles gets no reply  
_"He doesn't care if your are feeling bad Stiles"_ a voice in his head confesses _"And the pack doesn't want you there either, they lied so they didn't have to invite you"_ The voice hisses and laughs demonically  
  
**1 WEEK LATER**  
  
  
Stiles walks over to their normal lunch table and sees that Liam is now sitting with them. Scotts brand new beta.  
"Hey guys" Stiles exclaims  
Some grunt but not one verbally recognizes him. He goes to sit in his normal seat but Scott quickly puts his hand down.  
"Sorry buddy, Allison is sitting their cause Liam is here." he says  
"Haha. Sorry Stilinski there's no room for you" Jackson laughs  
"oh. okay. That reminds my I have some biology homework to finish" Stiles smiles and heads towards the library. His sits down in the least popular isle and gets out his notebook deciding to doodle. No one know but what stiles considered doodling was actually works of art. He made masterpieces normally of people he respected or he would draw people he hated with devil horns. His sketch book had portraits of Scott, Lydia, Derek, some of his teachers, but recently he wasn't drawing art he was just drawing black spirals over and over and over again. Some pages were just what he was feeling and why.  
His newest entry was...  
  
_sad angry > left behind _  
_hated > ignored_  
_despair > no one cares_  
_rejected > Derek_  
_replaced > Scott_  
_death > pack _  
_gonna miss > dad_

  
It also included various spirals different sizes but all dark black and it was like you could understand what stiles was feeling at the time by how hard he was pressing on his pen. This routine went on for the rest of the week.  
  
**2 WEEKS LATER**  
  
To: Stiles  
From: Scott  
Bring pizza. Pack meeting. in 5.  
To: Scott  
on my way. 

Stiles stepped on the porch only to overhear the packs convo. 

Derek: you did what!?  
Scott: I told him to bring pizza.  
Issac: good I'm starved  
Erica: then how to we get rid of him after we take the pizza.  
Jackson: we could give him $20 and shut the door  
I could hear some snickering  
Derek: that's cruel. but either way, I told you he wasn't invited so tell him that.  
Scott: okay. but I want the pizza first.  
I set the pizza down on the chair next to the door and quietly get into my car before hauling ass back home. Just then the pack stops. Everyone could hear Stiles broken down jeep leaving the Hale property. Everyone ran to the door as Derek looked outside seeing the pizza.  
"Do you think he heard?" Jackson asked stupidly before Lydia slapped him on the arm.  
  
**STILES POV**  
  
I pulled out and broke plenty of driving laws getting home. I pulled in the to empty driveway and let myself go, tears streaming down my cheek. I felt like Niagara Falls. I slowly made my way into my house walking up the stairs into my room. I curled into a ball on my bed and fell asleep feeling my tears puddle on my sheets.  
_"no one loves you._  
_everyone wants you to disappear._  
_you have no friends._  
_you killed you mom._  
_you're killing you dad._  
_stop lying to yourself stiles, everyone knows no one would miss you if you were dead."_  
"stop it" I scream "you're wrong"  
_"didn't you hear it stiles"_ the voice said _"you're just the human that they use to deliver food, isn't that enough for you to realize that no one cares. Everyone else is special but you. you. are. just. human."_  
I jerk up, sweat covering my body as it shakes, I could feel my chest caving in, my lungs seizing up. What was going on!? a panic attack!? I haven't had one of those since .... **MOM**. I try to catch my breath but nothing works. I stumble into the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. "you're disgusting" I repeat to myself in between jumpy, rapid breaths. I felt so out of control, I just needed to feel something other than this hollowness in my chest. I punch my mirror fractured glass falling to the sink, small pieces embedding themselves in my knuckles. I can't help but laugh, it feels different though, It feels... desperate. desperate for love. for friends. for help. But I understand what Derek meant, I was human, I was worthless, and who would miss me? I disappoint my dad 24/7 and I break so many laws everyday. Who would miss me!? I grab a giant triangle shaped piece of mirror and cut jagged lines in both of my wrists. I grab the whiskey I had hidden from my dad from under the sink and chug the entire bottle letting the drunken state take over, feeling it's warm sting go down my throat and into my stomach. I draw a triskilan on my neck letting the blood cover my white t-shirt enjoying the poetic meaning of it all. I crawl to the middle of my floor and lay in my back letting my blood drown my carpet in red. I lift my shirt up and write  
S. R. R. Y.  
I.  
H. M. A. N  
before black takes over.  
  
**DEREKS POV**  
  
I grunt sitting into my new leather couch eating the lucky charms Stiles had kindly stocked in my pantry. He was an amazing guy but he was just to young. And I had to protect him from something worse than any creature we've fought... I had to protect him from me. I turn on the tv to the walking dead just before I hear a scream. Not just any scream. This was a banshee scream. Then my phone buzzes.

  
SCOTT: Lydia scream. Stiles. suicide attempt. ambulance taking him now.

  
My mouth goes dry. Oh. No. what did I do!? I rush out of my house not bothering with the fact that I was on wearing my gray sweats. I jump on my bike and speed to the hospital. I run into the white waiting room looking everywhere for any sign of the pack. I grab Ms. McCall "Where is he" I try to hold back the tears, but she can clearly see the glassy look in my eyes "where. is. stiles."  
She motions for me to follow. We go to the ICU. I see the entire pack and the sheriff in the room. I slowing make my way in letting the tears fall. He was shirtless showing all the damage he had inflicted on himself. The message clearly saying _"Sorry I'm Human"_ but why be sorry about that. I drop to my knees "It's my fault" I confess as everyone turns their head to me. "I had said some pretty mean thing to him so he would stay away from me and the pack for his own protection" I sobbed into my hands.


	2. The Blue Liquid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles stays in the ICU with Derek by his side falling in and out of consciousness with the help of a blue liquid. What is it??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again.... I DON'T OWN TEEN WOLF
> 
> TRIGGAR WARNING
> 
> you read the first chapter and the tags, this is a sad story.

 

  
**STILES POV**

I opened my eyes to a bright white light blinding me. The slow beeps of a...a (what was it?)-- a heart monitor? Is this what heaven is like? Am I dead? I mean I'm suppose to be dead...right? I turn me head feeling something pull on my neck. A bandage I think? Suddenly everything comes into focus as if all my senses started to fall into place. The beeping got faster as my breaths start become harder to reach. I jerk up in my..my hospital bed screaming bloody murder.

I frantically look around the room seeing all eyes on me. Five nurses rush into the room holding me down injecting my with a _blue liquid._

**DEREKS POV**

My eyes felt heavy as sleep started pulling me under. Even in my dazed state I could still concentrate on Stiles and only stiles. His scent was masked by the copper smell of his blood but I could still smell the faint scent of cinnamon and vanilla and a little curly fries, but that was just because he eats them 24/7. I straighten up noticing that the boy was awake and his heart rate was increasing. He jumped up scaring the pack and the sheriff before nurses came in and sedated him. The syringe with the _blue liquid_ drug threw off Stiles scent, making it less prominent. Hmm... I wonder what it is -- It doesn't smell like the average anesthetic, should they be using it on my...my... on him. I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach as the guilt started eating away at me.

**1 WEEK LATER**

Stiles body had gotten all of the " _blue liquid_ " out of his system but he still had not woken up. Most of the pack had to go home to catch up on their sleep and hygiene, but Derek stayed the entire time; even when the sheriff was forced to go back to work, he was promised to be notified right away if... when stiles woke up. Derek was to shaken to do anything but think about Stiles. He kept reflecting on how the boys pink lips were so soft and plump and would have looked great swollen around his.... Derek was taken a back by the thought of the teenager being WITH him. As he looks over the boy's still body he noticed how pale he had gotten, even paler than he already was, if that we even possible. He also saw that those pink lips he had fantasized about were turning a greyish blue color. Derek walked over to the side of the bed and leaned very close to the boy.

"I'm sorry. I did this" Derek whispered. He leaned in closer letting his lips lock with the unresponsive teen, sucking and licking the color back into his mouth. Suddenly the boy started to cough as he attempted to sit up.

  
"Stiles! Stiles! stop you're gonna hurt yourself" Derek's panicked eyes roamed the boys injuries, his brows knitting together in concern. To his surprise Stiles started laughing... or attempting to laugh his abdominal muscles hurting more with the cuts.

"D-do-don't hurt myself? you've got to be fucking with me sourwolf. Take one look at me. I shouldn't even be alive. I--I wasn't suppose to come out of this alive. How am I alive!!!?" Stiles raised his voice with each word.

"I'm...im so sorry" Derek replied looking his most vulnerable. Stiles began laughing almost in an evil way.

"You think I'm just gonna fall into you arms, whispering apologies, telling you it was a mistake, that it's not your fault. I'm not a cruel person but I can't just let you off the hook."

"Stiles... I..." Derek tried but was cut of by him.

"You did something worse to me that this... worse than any physical abuse...you broke me"

"I'm so sorry" Derek pleaded

"Save it sourwolf. ju-just get out. please."  
Derek turned and left sitting right outside of his room.

"DEREK! I MEANT LEAVE LEAVE... AS IN LEAVE THE HOSPITAL." Stiles screamed knowing that Derek was lurking outside his room. Derek looked in the room, "okay, I'm.. so sorry" he repeated before making his way out of the hospital parking lot.

  
The sheriff rushed to his only son as soon as he heard that he was awake.

"Hey kid you really scared me" he said

"Yeah.. sorry dad.. I'm really tired I think I'm gonna catch up on some sleep"

"Ok son... um.. I love you I hope you know that and I hate to loose you too and I will be here if you need anything"

"Thanks dad"

**STILES POV**

The truth is I was sorry but not for hurting anyone or hurting my self.  
I was sorry for not finished the job successfully.

His thought soon stopped as Stiles drifted of into a heavy sleep, using a lot of energy attempting to heal his body, but how would he heal his mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Thanks for the kudos and comments :)
> 
> I was originally planning on doing 2 chapters but now I'm not so sure... I guess we will see how it goes.  
> um... I thought of a way to make everyone feel extremely guilty for Stiles without killing him off completely... Personally I am a fan of when Stiles becomes much stronger than anyone could think(especially the pack) but how would ya'll feel about supernatural Stiles? (mage/magic, vampire, or were-fox, OR magic and shape-shifter)
> 
> Oh and sorry my chapters happen to be shorter than most other fics


	3. Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this got up somewhat late I still don't know how this will end and I've been busy :) more to come soon I promise.

**STILES POV**

 My mind started racing, almost like it was arguing with itself.  

_You are worthless and pathetic. You can't do anything right. That's not true. Sure it is Stiles. No, it's not, I'm a genius. What about Lydia? Oh, well... You see Stiles... no one cares. SHUT UP. I have to wake up...WAKE UP... WAKE UP STILES... WAAKKEE UUPP..._

  
Although my mind seems to be on full blast, my body feels mostly numb. I am finally able to open my eyes, attempting to blink away the fogginess. There is a tingly feeling in my toes and chest. It isn't painful yet it isn't pleasant. Once my vision clears I look around my room. The window seat is filled with flowers. As I review the name cards, I see one from coach and the lacrosse team, a few from teachers, from Scott, Lydia, Issac,  Allison, from the pack, and a small stuffed fox from sourwolf. I feel a grin pulling at my lips but I know  
the truth... these are pity gifts and everyone will have to go to hell and back before I ever forgive them completely. I stare at my stomach, I vividly recall these cuts being deeper. _How could these have healed so quickly?_ I review the room again before feeling a pang of pain in my chest. I click the red button, that almost all ICU rooms have, multiple times. I feel the pain killers pulsing into my veins, my body starts becoming numb and my thumb holds down the button while I fall asleep again.  

 **DEREKS POV**  

      All I can do is sit, stand, pace and think about how Stiles is doing. His comments from the hospital keep repeating like a broken record. I just don't understand why he would even consider such a terrible act. As time passes my thoughts become more unbearable. I ignore what Stiles had requested and return to the hospital. I swiftly walk to his room without any of the nurses or doctors noticing me. When I enter his room there is not even the smallest hint of cinnamon or vanilla. I rush over to his side placing two fingers on his neck right below his ear. I exhale a giant sigh of relief when I feel his pulse, it's slow but it's present. I rest my head in the crook of his neck taking a deep breath, but... t-there's nothing. I sit in the chair in the corner of the room resting my elbows on my legs.

"You know...I am genuinely sorry. I hope you bounce back from this better than okay. Y-you didn't deserve this, I always smelled the anxiety and insecurity coming off you and I could never understand how someone so perfect could feel this was. You don't know how amazing you are. Not only are you extremely smart, funny, and self-less, but you are the most beautiful boy I have ever met...inside and outside. And I-I Love You Stiles Stilinski" I confess to a snoring Stiles.

Just then Stiles heart monitor speeds up and his eyes fly open. Those gorgeous amber eyes that I always got so lost in were not a sparkling white. I walk to his  
side attempting to get a closer look at them when a bright white field of light starts radiating off of his body pushing me back into the chair. When I finally can see again Stiles is sitting on the edge of his bed, swinging his feet, and concentrating on the floor. I walk toward him, lift his chin up, and bring our lips together.---He pauses for a minute before responding to the kiss. I wrap my arms around his hips pulling him in closer. I pull away in confusion...

"Did you just bite me?"

"No"

"It felt like a-a shock" I lean back in connecting out lips once more before feeling a jolt of electricity flow from my mouth to me toes.Stiles begins giggling before saying,

"Dude even though that kiss was amazing, and you resemble a greek god...I still don't forgive you...It's gonna take a lot more than a pity kiss. And anyway I'm pretty sure I'm still totally out of it from the blue pain meds"

"It wasn't a pity k....." I begin to answer before a group of people dressed in black walk in and grab Stiles taking him to who knows where. I start to step forward but I'm stopped by a transparent wall, but there isn't and mountain ash. I expect the spastic boy to be attempting to get free of the black figures grips but he stay completely still. Almost impossiblely still for Stiles...

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)  
> Leave ideas in the comments and kudos


End file.
